Reverend Ike

Photo: United Press International
Reverend Ike, the evil con man who bilked millions out of the poor to support his extravagant lifestyle, has finally died. And for doing us the favor of dying, I am giving him today's Peter's Choice Award.

He used to go on either the Mike Douglas Show or else Merv Griffin (I confuse them) and brag about his money. He'd brag about his expensive clothes and rings and cars. Then he'd tell the audience to forget about the afterlife and forget about Heaven, that they should be completely materialistic and greedy right now. He used his money to buy the Loews 175th Street theater and make it his church (the Upright Citizens Brigade once shot one of their episodes inside it). He excused his evil behavior by encouraging his followers to be as disgusting as he was. “If it’s that difficult for a rich man to get into heaven, think how terrible it must be for a poor man to get in. He doesn’t even have a bribe for the gatekeeper.”

I'm happily envisioning Reverend Ike at the gates of Heaven trying to offer a bribe right now and having the trap door opened underneath him like in an old Warner Brothers cartoon. Enjoy death, you materialist bastard.