The Quotations

Art by Malcolm Smith

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to The Quotations from East Brooklyn, New York!

Charles Fort

Charles Fort was the craziest white man to come from the Bronx until I came along.
I probably am his reincarnation.

Everyone should at least TRY to read his surviving books. the ones he didn't destroy when he got pissed.

Two of his more famous quotes are, "One measures a circle beginning at any point," and "We are property." If you want to understand the context of those two assertions, I heartily endorse you doing your own further research.

There have been a number of Fortean organizations over the years, and in England there is the magazine The Fortean Times, but Fort himself loathed the original Fortean Society and probably would not have enjoyed much that has been done in his name since his death either.

Charles Fort rules like Ozzy!!!

Steve Guttenberg

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to Steve Guttenberg because he is part of the secret conspiracy that runs the planet.

Wilhelm Homberg

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to Wilhelm Homberg! Hooray!

Jane Hamsher

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to Jane Hamsher.

John Beach Voiceguy

There's something to be said for loyalty, it is the hardest thing to find in life. John has a lot of talent and a lot of famous clients, but really I'm writing about him today because he is loyal.

Today's winner of the Peter's Choice Award is John Beach Voiceguy.

Robert Novak

Today I grant the Peter's Choice Award to Robert Novak to thank him for going away.

Howard Dean

Howard Dean says there will be primary challenges for Democrats who do not vote for the public option, and for this, he receives today's Peter's Choice Award.

YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!

Horus and Angel Part the Second

The Inventor of Google

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to the inventor of Google!

Henrey is still winning

Today is a cool day, only in the 70s. Today is a day to sit in the window and look out with Henrey Cat. That's Henrey's favorite thing to do in the world (besides sleep). Henrey is still winning the Peter's Choice Award today.

Henrey Lee LuCat

Here come your man.

Hank.

The first hombre requiring two days to get his Peter's Choice Award.

"Classy" Freddie Blassie

Today the Peter's Choice Award goes to the King of Men, Fred Blassie.

Ellen Goldensohn

Ellen was the editor of Natural History magazine back when it used to be done inside the Museum and I used to work on it part-time. We've stayed friends, I guess because she likes liberals. Her husband was a Communist union leader back in the day.

Ellen has an adopted son who has developmental disabilities, and I draw with him, which I guess seems to help him. Mostly, we like hanging out, the drawing is almost secondary. Ellen's giant cat is named Baby and when I leave her place, I'm covered in Baby hair each time. He's desperate for love, cannot get enough, and he cries like a little kitten with a squeaky voice. I think he thinks he's still a kitten.

Ellen's apartment is one she moved into in the 1970's as the band Sha Na Na were moving out! They had just gotten their TV gig, but up till then they all shared this place. It's pretty big, with lots of smallish rooms. Apparently, Sha Na Na themselves built some of the walls, to make larger rooms into smaller ones and provide them with more privacy while they bunked together.

Recently, Ellen's been busy at the hospital because her nephew had an accident in Central Park that made the papers. So it seems like a good enough time to give Ellen today's Peter's Choice Award.

Horus Cat

Horus Cat is nervous because he's moving soon and he doesn't know what's happening. I'm giving him the Peter's Choice Award for today in order to help him buck up and be brave till he's settled into the new place.

George Tabb

Everyone in New York knows and likes George Tabb, formerly of the punk rock band FURIOUS GEORGE. He's also respected as a writer for Maximum Rock'n'Roll, Punk Magazine, and New York Press. He was best man at Dee Dee Ramone's second wedding. And he's one of the only oldschool punk rock guys I think is cool. I'm extremely judgmental-- accent on the "mental" -- when it comes to musicians having integrity-- if I like George it means he has integrity.

George was living right by the World Trade Center on 9/11 and he was lied to by Christine Todd Whitman and the Bush administration and told the air was safe when it wasn't. Since then, he's had serious health problems and in fact needs to go in for another operation NEXT WEEK. The government won't give him any aid because OFFICIALLY there is no such thing as a 9/11-related illness. Whitman and Bush said the air was safe, and they were the government at the time, so therefore money can't be given to pay for treatment for illnesses that can't legally be occurring.

George needs your help. He's tried every angle. Welfare turned him down! We have billions for Goldman Sachs but 9/11 sufferers have to fend for themselves? I THOUGHT WE VOTED THE REPUBLICANS OUT OF POWER! George has no place left to turn-- he needs YOU. To find out more information, go here:
http://www.myspace.com/helpgeorgetabb

For surviving 9/11 and for being a force for good in the world, George Tabb wins today's Peter's Choice Award.

Porta-Trace

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to Gagne Inc., makers of the Porta-Trace!

Today's award goes to...

Today's award goes to Rachel Trachtenburg because she was considerate of me yesterday even though she's a high-falutin' professional model now and doesn't have to give a crap about me any more. Rachel takes the "professional" part seriously though, so this dubious "honor" goes to her for today. I hope she and her friends kill on the Checker Phil Show later today. ZOMG!

ADDENDUM 12:15 PM: Rachel just called and hired me to draw a cartoon picture of her new band. It pays to kiss butt in this business! Haha just kidding-- NOTHING pays in this "business."

Social Services

Today the Peter's Choice Award goes to Social Services provided to the poor. There aren't enough of them and they aren't budgeted as highly as they need to be, because we need to fight pointless wars and "bail out" rich people.

Melky

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to Melky Cabrera for being the first Yankee to hit for the cycle since Tony Fernandez in 1995.

The next year, in 1996, Fernandez was replaced by Derek Jeter, so I hope it brings better luck to Melky than it did to Tony.

Reverend Ike

Photo: United Press International
Reverend Ike, the evil con man who bilked millions out of the poor to support his extravagant lifestyle, has finally died. And for doing us the favor of dying, I am giving him today's Peter's Choice Award.

He used to go on either the Mike Douglas Show or else Merv Griffin (I confuse them) and brag about his money. He'd brag about his expensive clothes and rings and cars. Then he'd tell the audience to forget about the afterlife and forget about Heaven, that they should be completely materialistic and greedy right now. He used his money to buy the Loews 175th Street theater and make it his church (the Upright Citizens Brigade once shot one of their episodes inside it). He excused his evil behavior by encouraging his followers to be as disgusting as he was. “If it’s that difficult for a rich man to get into heaven, think how terrible it must be for a poor man to get in. He doesn’t even have a bribe for the gatekeeper.”

I'm happily envisioning Reverend Ike at the gates of Heaven trying to offer a bribe right now and having the trap door opened underneath him like in an old Warner Brothers cartoon. Enjoy death, you materialist bastard.

Dino Sorbello in the Heart of the Sun

Today, Dino wins the Peter's Choice Award for showing me the above movie-- DOPPELGANGER or Journey to the Far Side of the Sun. It was one of the weirdest and slowest movies I ever saw in my life. Gerry "Thunderbirds" Anderson produced it and the miniatures were excellent. More money spent on this than Thunderbirds. But the story was so COMPLETELY NONSENSICAL AND IMPOSSIBLE. Sort of like one of those Star Trek episodes where they go to the planet of the Nazis or the planet of the Religious Cultists or the planet of the Native Americans. Amazingly, Rod Serling wrote this story years earlier, or almost this story, for a Twilight Zone episode-- and then another writer sued Serling, saying he'd stolen the idea from him! So Serling paid the other writer off to call it even. It's sort of like people arguing over who created "Poochie."

It's the kind of thing that kids would like though, and it LOOKS AMAZING all the way through. The sets are all great to look at and seem like they might have been fun to shoot in. Herbert Lom had a small part!

So thanks, Dino, you can pick up your award when you're back from Hawaii, which, as all birthers know, is NOT part of America.

ABOVE: Dino shooting Tony Clifton in Times Square

Angel Yau

Today's Peter's Choice Award goes to the lovely and talented ANGEL YAU, who just today has moved out of her parent's home into the arms of love.

Much happiness Angel, I'll have the award shipped to your new address.