Uncle Bob Martin

One of the people I have the greatest difficulty saying nice things about is Uncle Bob Martin. His picture is in the dictionary under "curmudgeon" and he's as bad a troublemaker as Pauly's Grand Dad in "Hard Day's Night."

I'm trying to think of something nice to say about him. Bob used to hit on my girlfriend right in front of me when I was 19 or 20, so that's strike one. Bob is the reason I met Nick Zedd when I was a teenager, so that's strike two. Ummm... Well he DID create Fangoria, that's ball one. Hmmm... and he is nice to cats. Count is even at 2.

Anyway, Bob is waiting to hear if the test comes back benign or malignant, so he wins the award for following doctor's orders and not eating solid food till tonight. If he goes back on that, though, I might withdraw the award and give it to Angel, since Angel deserves daily awards anyway.

Get better, you old monster.

Checker Phil gets an award

ABOVE (Right to left): Rachel Trachtenburg, Checker Phil Dejean, and some evil foreigner.

The main reason I decided to do this new blog, writing about one thing or person I am happy with each day, is that Checker Phil really rudely told me that I'm negative about everything. He LITERALLY said that, as though I were a cartoon character written by an extremely poor writer.

So fuck you, Checker Phil, you get a Peter's Choice Award for today, whether you like it or not! Here's some positivity for you, and you know where you can stick it!!!

haha

The First Peter's Choice Award goes to...

Years before I met him, when I was 12 years old and reading his books about monsters, John A. Keel taught me the lesson that I had no choice but to be agnostic. If I were not agnostic but remained interested in the kinds of things Keel wrote about, I would end up insane and possibly leading a lunatic cult. The only way to make sure you're sane is to never start BELIEVING any theories. View it all as percentage-chance of reality and play it like poker or baseball-- either playing the odds or going with a gut instinct. Keep reassessing the evidence to see what the CURRENT chances of the various theories being "true" might be.

Since then, I've been thrust into situations dealing with many spooky-weird individuals. One thing I've learned is that anyone who starts telling you that you're paranoid is trying to get you to let your guard down so they can trick you. As long as you maintain strict agnosticism, then this is a 100% reliable prediction.

So Keel's revelation to me at the age of 12 is probably the most important lesson I learned up to that point, and one of the most important lessons I ever could possibly learn.

Belief is a half-step toward insanity.

I hereby present the first Peter's Choice Award to John A. Keel.